Last weekend I attended the 2015 Indiana Faith & Writer’s Conference (which, by the way, was wonderful.) Part of the small registration fee goes toward time with an author, agent, or publisher, and I was fortunate enough to find time on Tania Runyan’s schedule. She is the author of two books (among others) titled How to Read a Poem and How to Write a Poem. Together we workshopped my poem, Urbs in Horto, which I knew could be better but wasn’t sure how.
First she had me cross out all of the adjectives–who knew I had so many!–and then we looked more carefully at word choice and lines, especially line endings. In just a few minutes of working with Tania the poem was greatly improved. I continued the work at home. Once all of those adjectives had been removed (and a few put back in) I could see the poem better and made some other choices–changing words like “looking” to “look”, for instance.
The result is this revised poem. Thanks Tania!
Urbs in Horto*
If I lived in Chicago, I wonder
if there would be a constant tug
from the locked stream
that runs through The Lurie Garden–
if I would arrange my day
so I could lower myself
onto the gray-planked walkway,
remove my shoes, couple them nearby,
and then dip my toes into the water,
wiggle them down so they touch
the bottom,
watch the rivulet run
over pennies and dimes and nickels,
muse about wishes,
look at the raised garden
wearing clouds like a fancy hat,
and feel fellowship
with the other wanderers,
most with their feet in the flow,
and none looking at their phones
(except for the occasional picture.)
*City in a Garden, Chicago’s motto
Susan Fuchtman 